he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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