were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Alive.
So much puke
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
