Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
