Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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