lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish you could order shots online.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
