Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
