I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
