she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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