we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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