can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
