ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
