You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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