I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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