I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
