Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
