I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
