I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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