She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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