she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
