I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
