I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
