I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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