I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
