Where is the hickey?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
