I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
