Sry I called you an 8
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have surprise drugs for everyone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
