If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm too high and old for this...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
