I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
