i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize