Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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