i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
