why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think i got beer on your cat.
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