Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
