you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
