the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
