Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
