there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
