Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
