I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
