Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
