I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
