hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
