Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize