I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
