did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
