I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize