whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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