he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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