just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My balls are so social today.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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