you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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