I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
