i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
