great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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