honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
