You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
