once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
