Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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