We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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