i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize