I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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