I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
