Whod you bang
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
