Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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