dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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