Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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