WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Found the puke drawer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
