all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
