i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
